I was body shamed for not fitting the image of an Indian woman | By Krishna Jayasankar

My journey into shot put began quite unexpectedly. My physical education teacher picked me because I fit her criteria. Back then, there was a stereotype that girls in throwing events should be tall, big and strong, and I happened to fit that frame.

I was a kid who didn’t like math, and suddenly I had the chance to miss class for competitions. At that time, it felt more fun than anything else.

My parents were both former Indian basketball team captains, so when I told them, their reaction was simply, ‘Oh, okay’. My parents were not the kind who would drop me off at practice or watch every training session. My mother always said, ‘If you want to pursue athletics, you have to find your own way. You can’t depend on us.’ That mindset of independence stayed with me.

I grew up around basketball, but I also saw the sacrifices they made. My mother missed birthdays and family events because of the sport, and yet they never received the recognition they deserved.

Seeing those sacrifices made me question whether basketball was the path I wanted. I respected the sport, but I never truly fell in love with it.

Changing career trajectory

Then I met Coach Michael Wessel in 2019 and he asked about my goals, and I told him I wanted to represent India and win medals.

There was something he saw in me that changed the whole trajectory of my life. When I went to him, I was primarily a shot putter. He suggested ‘You have a long wingspan. You should focus on discus.’ That single observation changed the trajectory of my career. He has been instrumental in my career, not just as an athlete but as a person.

Coach Wessel was the one who planted the seed of the NCAA system in my head, and for the first time, I started imagining a future in the United States.

So, when COVID hit, he had to return to Jamaica. He stayed with my family for a while before leaving and continued to guide my training. I would throw shot put in the parking area of our house. We had to be creative because I wanted to make the 2021 World Under-20 team.

After he left, I struggled with depression because I felt uncertain about my future. But I was determined. I didn’t want to give up. I told my family to give me one chance, and promised I would work hard enough to make the opportunity count.

I went to Jamaica. It was my first time stepping out of Chennai and going to another country by myself. Ever since then, it has been a journey and those experiences helped me evolve as the woman I am today. 

Turning bodyshaming in her stride

When I was in India, I was body shamed in school and everywhere else because I did not fit the realm of what an Indian woman looked like. Before going to Jamaica, I was going through an identity crisis because I had nobody to look up to and nobody to talk to who would understand. My sister is a model with very lean physique. I remember watching my sister take pictures for her portfolio. She looked so beautiful in a gown and makeup.

For some reason, I wore the birthday dress my sister had bought me, looked at myself in the mirror, and started crying. I saw her and I saw me, and there was so much anger and irritation because I couldn’t express the sadness I was feeling. 

My mother would not even allow me to wear sleeveless clothes outside because she was worried about what people would say about my arms. She would check what I was wearing and tell me not to wear tight-fitted clothes because it would show my big arms and thighs. But my sister had no restrictions and that comparison hit me really hard.

When I went to Jamaica, it was an amazing discovery. I saw so many women of different body types — plus size, muscular, small, thick, thin — and they were proud of their skin. 

Coach introduced me to people who were confident in their own skin. That helped me convert my insecurity into positivity was a life-changing moment for me.

It happened through a lot of self-reflection and understanding what I stand for. It’s about time we start redefining what being beautiful actually means. Being beautiful doesn’t mean you have to be lean or fit a certain body type. Being beautiful can also mean being dusky-skinned, being muscular, and being a badass.  

Life in America

Before coming to the US, my perception of America was shaped by Hollywood movies. But when I arrived in El Paso, it was completely different. Coming from Chennai, a busy city, the quietness there was a huge culture shock.

People often think Indians living in the US are living the American dream. But when you actually come here, you realize that the dream is built on resilience and hard work.

As a student-athlete, I had to balance training with academic responsibilities, study hours, and strict schedules. It was a completely different challenge.

On qualifying for the NCAA Championships

From the moment I entered the NCAA system in 2021, I was determined to compete at the NCAA Championships. It took me four years to finally get there.

At the regional meet, I threw 55.61 meters on my first attempt — my personal best and a new school record. That moment was overwhelming because it broke the 55-meter barrier and proved I belonged there.

After my throws, I had to wait. I went to a bookstore near the stadium. When my coach finally called and said, ‘I guess we’re going to Eugene,’ I started crying in the bookstore. That was the moment my dream became real.

Competing at Hayward Field in Eugene was surreal. I had watched the World Championships there on television, and suddenly I was standing in the same stadium.

Breakthrough moment

Leaving home was the biggest breakthrough for me. If I hadn’t left India, I wouldn’t have gone to Jamaica, and without Jamaica, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to be the athlete that I am today. To reach the United States or the NCAA, every step was essential in shaping the athlete I am today.

It’s emotional knowing that this phase of my life is coming to an end, but I’m also proud of what I’ve achieved. Being away from my family and my country wasn’t easy, but it helped me build my own community and identity as an athlete. Now my focus is on becoming a professional athlete and representing Team India.

As told to Ritu Sejwal